And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As shirtless as possible
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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