so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
