I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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