pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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