Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
