yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize