i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
