I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
