Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
