If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love you.
Bad choice
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
