I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
