I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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