I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
