if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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