he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
