I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Acid is not a monday night drug
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
