He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
