I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
