yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
