I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
