The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
