so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
