..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
