I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
