You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
