he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
