I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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