The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you never un-have a 4some
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
