hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
