if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
