If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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