Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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