opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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