we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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