areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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