oh god the rape fog is back!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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