Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
