Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
