oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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