My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
