you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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