Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
