a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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