drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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