i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
