I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
