i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
