She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
