If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
