flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
