I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
