I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
