no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
