Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
