I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
