Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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