Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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