just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
