Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
