can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
