1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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