guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
