i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
