I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
