I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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