My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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