Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
