I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Enjoy the penises
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
