We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this hospital has no fireball
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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