Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
